What Are You Even Doing Here, You Crazy Person?!

someone told me once that shooting stars are really just angels throwing away their cigarettes before God could catch them smoking

(via marlin-the-fish)

dickmark:

OKAY SO ALMOST 2 MONTHS AGO OUR ENGLISH TEACHER FORCED US TO ENTER A POETRY CONTEST AND I WAS ABOUT TO ENTER A POEM WHEN IT TRIED TO FORCE ME TO GIVE IT A TITLE SO IN A FIT OF RAGE I WROTE A NEW POEM COMPLAINING ABOUT THE TITLE REQUIREMENT

AND TODAY I WENT TO CHECK MY EMAIL AND I??????

YOU ARE LITERALLY PUBLISHING AN INSULT TO YOUR OWN RULES BUT OKAY I GUESS IF GETTING TALKED DOWN TO TURNS YOU ON SOMEHOW AND I GET PUBLISHED I’VE GOT NO COMPLAINTS HERE?

(via marlin-the-fish)

deepintothisdarknesspeering:

I was driving down the road and some lady blew her stop sign and I almost crashed right into her and the literal moment I was slamming on the brake my freakin phone starts ringing

my rinGTONE IS STAYIN’ ALIVE

I COULD HAVE DIED AND THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN THE LAST THING I HEARD

(via marlin-the-fish)

dickflavouredsoup:

her eyes were the colour of

(via marlin-the-fish)

amenpenis:

cellphones have two brightness settings: “dim” and “the messiah is back”

(via marlin-the-fish)